Dr Phil is famous for saying on tv something like "If you do what you always do, you will always get what you've always gotten". Thus, the question is "Can we learn from history?" Yes, we can... However, I think the biggest problem is that we suffer from amnesia. If we do not have significant amnesia before we hit the age when most of us have dementia, dementia is bound to get most of the remaining survivors.
We can predict with some degree of certainty the likelihood of future offending by looking at past behaviour... Of course, forensic psychologists cannot always get things right because there is always going to room for human error because psychology is not a physical science but rather a social science (http://psychology-resources.blogspot.com/2010/01/psychology-is-social-science-not.html). This means that there are significant variations and factors to account for which makes it impossible to work out how things will turn out.
This is much like suicide risk assessment. There is no absolute but the educated assessments are better than guesswork.
In short, can we learn from history? Yes, we can... but do we and are we able to apply everything that we learn daily... maybe not.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
Habituation...
Alright, habituation is a word... in layman's explanation, it is simply the desensitising of one's senses after repeated or prolonged exposure to the same stimulus. For example, after using the same perfume or EDT for some time, you may probably no longer smell it as acutely as you did. You still spray x number of times (everyone is different - some spray 5 times, other spray continuously) at the same spots. Now, just because you cannot smell it on you does not justify you spraying more times. What you need to do is just spray as many times as you would normally -- no need to increase the number of sprays. What you are experiencing is simply your sense of smell being less responsive.
Well, one issue with habituation is that I now no longer get as excited smelling coffee because I drink it daily. I did struggle with the perfume scenario but I managed to work on a "life hack (I have worked out that this is a cool term to use instead of "problem solve")" around this. My life hack is to buy a few different perfumes, then chop and change. I have also worked out how to wear a few different perfumes at the same time without smelling like a smelly bouquet.
Habituation has an evolutionary value... it helps us to tune out of common everyday scenarios so that we can focus on new tasks or challenges. Remember how difficult it was to learn to drive a car. Now, you can drive and still be able to keep an eye on your GPS.
My olfactory sense is a little problematic. I seem to habituate to nice scents which increase my productivity but struggle to habituate to offensive odours which decrease my cognitive capacity. Thus, when I have a migraine, I find that I need to keep smells at bay.
I am also photosensitive -- my computer screens always have to be dimmed significantly before I can actually work because I get headaches looking at bright screens. It is hard to believe but, for some screens, I can turn it to "0" brightness and "0" contrast and still find it bright. I cannot really sit out in the sun for extended periods of time. I avoid going out during the day. I dim my mobile phone screen too. My current life hack around this issue is a pair of polarised sunglasses but it comes with problems too. (BTW, isn't it annoying that some car companies use the really bright headlights which blind other drivers? Should this even be legal?)
I used to be able to hear my quartz Swatches tick like crazy and had to keep them in my drawer before I can actually fall asleep at night. I don't habituate to that... If I hear one ticking in my meeting, I just struggle to concentrate. Thankfully, I have now upgraded to automatic watches -- less noisy and more classy (I guess). No life hack on this problem of mine too.
Alright, not going to go through every sensory life hack that I can think about... Remember that if it is your problem, only your solution will fit.
Ciao!
Well, one issue with habituation is that I now no longer get as excited smelling coffee because I drink it daily. I did struggle with the perfume scenario but I managed to work on a "life hack (I have worked out that this is a cool term to use instead of "problem solve")" around this. My life hack is to buy a few different perfumes, then chop and change. I have also worked out how to wear a few different perfumes at the same time without smelling like a smelly bouquet.
Habituation has an evolutionary value... it helps us to tune out of common everyday scenarios so that we can focus on new tasks or challenges. Remember how difficult it was to learn to drive a car. Now, you can drive and still be able to keep an eye on your GPS.
My olfactory sense is a little problematic. I seem to habituate to nice scents which increase my productivity but struggle to habituate to offensive odours which decrease my cognitive capacity. Thus, when I have a migraine, I find that I need to keep smells at bay.
I am also photosensitive -- my computer screens always have to be dimmed significantly before I can actually work because I get headaches looking at bright screens. It is hard to believe but, for some screens, I can turn it to "0" brightness and "0" contrast and still find it bright. I cannot really sit out in the sun for extended periods of time. I avoid going out during the day. I dim my mobile phone screen too. My current life hack around this issue is a pair of polarised sunglasses but it comes with problems too. (BTW, isn't it annoying that some car companies use the really bright headlights which blind other drivers? Should this even be legal?)
I used to be able to hear my quartz Swatches tick like crazy and had to keep them in my drawer before I can actually fall asleep at night. I don't habituate to that... If I hear one ticking in my meeting, I just struggle to concentrate. Thankfully, I have now upgraded to automatic watches -- less noisy and more classy (I guess). No life hack on this problem of mine too.
Alright, not going to go through every sensory life hack that I can think about... Remember that if it is your problem, only your solution will fit.
Ciao!
Friday, April 25, 2014
$1 loaf of bread, anyone?
If you paid attention or read all my blogs, you will now know that I am a bit of a hoarder (a bit means not enough to seek professional help but enough to be problematic). So, apart from hoarding material possessions which can be seen (remember we learned that objects have weight and take up space), I also hoard emotionally and psychologically.
In order to illustrate my point, I am using the example of $1 loaf of bread. Back in the good old days, a loaf of bread would go for about $1. These days, I go to my local store and expect to find $1 loaf. I hold on to those good old days. Of course, apart from the $1 loaf of bread, there's also other groceries that were cheaper. Do you hold on to the good old days for sentimental reasons or worry about what happens if you move on?
Now, in the year 2014, you must realise that computers are getting cheaper (though mobile phones are getting more expensive). Isn't it funny how we just never think about that at all?
My point is that, as humans, we choose to make salient the points that objectively benefit us the most? In addition, we choose to ignore or put aside the other points which we dislike possibly because those do not benefit us. If we like something, we can think of a million and one good things to say about it... and vice versa.
Gone are the good old days... let's create more good old days starting from now, so that when we look back in the years to come, we can say that every day that we live from here on is a good old day in the making.
In order to illustrate my point, I am using the example of $1 loaf of bread. Back in the good old days, a loaf of bread would go for about $1. These days, I go to my local store and expect to find $1 loaf. I hold on to those good old days. Of course, apart from the $1 loaf of bread, there's also other groceries that were cheaper. Do you hold on to the good old days for sentimental reasons or worry about what happens if you move on?
Now, in the year 2014, you must realise that computers are getting cheaper (though mobile phones are getting more expensive). Isn't it funny how we just never think about that at all?
My point is that, as humans, we choose to make salient the points that objectively benefit us the most? In addition, we choose to ignore or put aside the other points which we dislike possibly because those do not benefit us. If we like something, we can think of a million and one good things to say about it... and vice versa.
Gone are the good old days... let's create more good old days starting from now, so that when we look back in the years to come, we can say that every day that we live from here on is a good old day in the making.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Going for broke... emotionally bankrupt
If you live in Australia and work a regular job, you must have been enjoying a long weekend from Friday to Monday. I don't know I enjoy taking a break because not working leaves me with a lot of time to think... Don't know why but I have been thinking about many unpleasant things which occurred in the last couple of years.
Today, I find myself forcing myself to leave my home... to get out for some fresh air. Thankfully, I did not meet anyone I know when I was out... Don't want to meet my colleagues because I see them from Monday to Friday usually. I also am one to compartmentalise -- so colleagues are to be seen from Monday to Friday (having said that, there are exceptions -- I do work on the odd Saturday).
You can say that this long weekend has led to me breaking my emotional bank. Such bankruptcy is operationalized by low frustration tolerance, perennially annoyed look, melancholy, lethargy, negative cognitions... Not depressed... just emotionally bankrupt.
Note to self: Maybe I should learn not to go for broke before the start of a long weekend, or any weekend for the matter. I tend to give it my all especially when I know that the weekend is coming up. Maybe when I go for broke on Friday, I should anticipate being emotionally bankrupt over the weekend.
Today, I find myself forcing myself to leave my home... to get out for some fresh air. Thankfully, I did not meet anyone I know when I was out... Don't want to meet my colleagues because I see them from Monday to Friday usually. I also am one to compartmentalise -- so colleagues are to be seen from Monday to Friday (having said that, there are exceptions -- I do work on the odd Saturday).
You can say that this long weekend has led to me breaking my emotional bank. Such bankruptcy is operationalized by low frustration tolerance, perennially annoyed look, melancholy, lethargy, negative cognitions... Not depressed... just emotionally bankrupt.
Note to self: Maybe I should learn not to go for broke before the start of a long weekend, or any weekend for the matter. I tend to give it my all especially when I know that the weekend is coming up. Maybe when I go for broke on Friday, I should anticipate being emotionally bankrupt over the weekend.
Korean Teacher commits suicide after being rescued from ferry disaster
Hi all, I think you must have read by now the South Korean ferry disaster. Not sure if you are aware that what followed after was the suicide of the Korean teacher? Read http://rt.com/news/korea-ship-suicide-dead-388/.
It is likely that the teacher had committed suicide out of survivor guilt. So, what is survivor guilt? As I mentioned earlier, I do not try to paraphrase or rewrite things that are already well explored on the internet (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_guilt,
If you followed the news of the ferry disaster, you will also be aware that the Captain and crew of that ferry actually abandoned the ferry (read http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-04-21/korean-president-says-ferry-captain-actions-like-murder/5401880?section=world). Now, there is already widespread uproar about this. My money is on my hypothesis that the Captain and the crew will also experience survivor guilt. Thus, I urge my readers to not be harsh on these survivors who may have survived the tragedy but may or may not survive this guilt.
I also note that the Captain and crew left a brave but inexperienced third mate in charge. It is likely that this third mate may experience some form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (or PTSD).
My heart goes out to all affected -- the people who lost their lives, their parents, the crew etc. Having said that, I also must say that it is human nature to flee. I understand that all sea vessel captains and crews would have had extensive training about what to do if something like that happens. However, not every one of them would have had the experience to manage such chaos in their careers. It is like your pilots may know how to execute an emergency landing BUT, I assume that, not all pilots had to do that in their careers.
I hope that my readers can understand that humans err. Admittedly, the Captain and Crew made a big mistake on this occasion. However, if you agree with me that all lives are precious, I hope that you will dig deep to understand that accidents happen and this is time to support one another because more suicides may follow if this is not managed properly. It is human nature to attribute blame somewhere but let's just channel our efforts to support those who need us. I do hope that media will reduce the reports of this tragedy to give everyone some room to breathe.
It is likely that the teacher had committed suicide out of survivor guilt. So, what is survivor guilt? As I mentioned earlier, I do not try to paraphrase or rewrite things that are already well explored on the internet (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_guilt,
If you followed the news of the ferry disaster, you will also be aware that the Captain and crew of that ferry actually abandoned the ferry (read http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-04-21/korean-president-says-ferry-captain-actions-like-murder/5401880?section=world). Now, there is already widespread uproar about this. My money is on my hypothesis that the Captain and the crew will also experience survivor guilt. Thus, I urge my readers to not be harsh on these survivors who may have survived the tragedy but may or may not survive this guilt.
I also note that the Captain and crew left a brave but inexperienced third mate in charge. It is likely that this third mate may experience some form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (or PTSD).
My heart goes out to all affected -- the people who lost their lives, their parents, the crew etc. Having said that, I also must say that it is human nature to flee. I understand that all sea vessel captains and crews would have had extensive training about what to do if something like that happens. However, not every one of them would have had the experience to manage such chaos in their careers. It is like your pilots may know how to execute an emergency landing BUT, I assume that, not all pilots had to do that in their careers.
I hope that my readers can understand that humans err. Admittedly, the Captain and Crew made a big mistake on this occasion. However, if you agree with me that all lives are precious, I hope that you will dig deep to understand that accidents happen and this is time to support one another because more suicides may follow if this is not managed properly. It is human nature to attribute blame somewhere but let's just channel our efforts to support those who need us. I do hope that media will reduce the reports of this tragedy to give everyone some room to breathe.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Empathy Disturbance/Disorder
I remember asking someone many many years ago the following question...
Is empathy like
(1) an ever flowing fountain OR
(2) a pie that is baked daily?
(1) an ever flowing fountain OR
(2) a pie that is baked daily?
In response to a statement that the significant other who works in a caring profession appears to have a lot of empathy at work but none left for him.
In the ever flowing fountain analogy, I can currently think about a colleague whom I had just gone out on a home visit. I saw sincerity in her eyes, genuine concern for a fellow human and empathy. My colleague is married and has children. From my shallow understanding of my colleague, I sense continued care and warmth towards her family. That, to me, is what I consider an ever flowing fountain.
In the pie that is baked daily analogy, I think of one who struggles with empathy. At times, there is sufficient for the work day (but maybe insufficient to spill into personal life). Other times, there is insufficient to last the day. At times, the empathy is half-baked (in that it is not really useable and may crumble apart at the most untimely of moments or that empathy is compartmentalised for use in different areas and in varying proportions). Other times, the empathy is un-useable. At times, the empathy wears that person down.
You will not believe, in the course of researching this post, I found the following relevant information about Empathy Deficit Disorder (EDD) (of course, not a real psychiatric disorder but one coined by a few professionals):
- http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-resilience/201004/are-you-suffering-empathy-deficit-disorder, Personally, I disagree that "EDD grows when people focus too much on acquiring power, status, and money for themselves". My thoughts are that many significant life events (e.g., suicide, death, significant loss, trauma) or neurodevelopmental issues (e.g., ASD, ADHD) can lead to EDD.
My personal thoughts on this matter, being one with baked empathy, is that I believe that humans have evolved over time to not be a "one size fits all" model. I hypothesise that some of us (human race) are empathy fountains while others are empathy pies. When we look at evolution, we clearly see how the fountains among us are the nurturers (as my colleague clearly is) while the pies among us are more geared towards less emotion-intensive and more solution-focussed modes. Don't get me wrong. My colleague is very good at coming up with solutions. (In fact, she takes so many facets into account that I wonder how she does it!) However, if we draw inspiration from a factory production line, what we see is that productivity may well improve when we start specialising. From the evolution perspective, we also see that pies among us usually have to take the tough decisions without bringing emotion into it.
If we follow the life of the production line, we can see that specialisation brings along issues too. It is difficult to replace a sick production line worker due to the degree of specialisation. In addition, specialisation leads to boredom which can, over time, decrease productivity (read this as hamper evolution). Thus, in order to the combat the abovementioned flaws, workers are made to learn a different job; then they swap jobs when things become too monotonous and predictable. Hence, back to my hypothesis, there may be some of us who are not pure fountains or pies -- but rather a combination of both.
If we follow the life of the production line, we can see that specialisation brings along issues too. It is difficult to replace a sick production line worker due to the degree of specialisation. In addition, specialisation leads to boredom which can, over time, decrease productivity (read this as hamper evolution). Thus, in order to the combat the abovementioned flaws, workers are made to learn a different job; then they swap jobs when things become too monotonous and predictable. Hence, back to my hypothesis, there may be some of us who are not pure fountains or pies -- but rather a combination of both.
Of course, there is also another aspect to the empathy pie analogy -- that is, there are some of empathy pies that do not fit in to the evolutionary picture. By this, I refer to people with certain personality disorders (see http://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/empathy-and-personality-disorders/). Alternatively, I could be wrong because it can also be argued that people with certain personality disorders do fit into the evolutionary picture in that they have lost the ability to bake empathy in order to survive this world which may be perceived as cruel, dangerous and unpredictable. Afterall, some narcissists and psychopaths do end up being parents.
Something else for you to read:
So, there you go... My dear colleague, if you are reading this, you know I am writing about you.
Something else for you to read:
- http://healthland.time.com/2011/05/30/mind-reading-psychologist-simon-baron-cohen-on-empathy-and-the-science-of-evil/
- http://bradhicks.livejournal.com/454817.html.
So, there you go... My dear colleague, if you are reading this, you know I am writing about you.
"Unwell" by Matchbox 20
Quite a few years back, I heard this song on radio... I took to this song rather quickly because of the melody and lyrics. (Now, I can appreciate songs with bland tunes but meaningful lyrics -- think "Somebody" by Depeche Mode.) Meaningful for me because the lyrics are specific and to the point. The lyrics give you something to ponder, to hypothesise scenarios, to think further et cetera.
This song is supposedly about experiences of an acid trip (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unwell). Watch the video clip (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WziA88-n02k). However, to me, this song reminds me of people experiencing psychosis -- some auditory and visual hallucinations, paranoia, lack of insight, precontemplative, poor judgement, delusions... maybe also some sense of hopelessness, denial... I hope that this song helps people to at least understand a little about what is going on for people who are mentally unwell and to be supportive rather than judging.
----------------------- Kudos to Robert Kelly Thomas for writing the song -------------------
~ Lyrics copied from http://www.metrolyrics.com/unwell-lyrics-matchbox-20.html ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All day starin' at the ceilin' makin' friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices tellin' me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for somethin'
Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
All night hearing voices tellin' me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for somethin'
Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me
I'm talkin' to myself in public, dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talkin' about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think
There must be somethin' wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin', somehow I've lost my mind
And I know, I know they've all been talkin' about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think
There must be somethin' wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin', somehow I've lost my mind
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talkin' in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're takin' me away
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're takin' me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be yeah, how I used to be
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be, how I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be, how I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
Read more: Matchbox 20 - Unwell Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Hope you will find this song meaningful too! Happy Easter to you all.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Hikikomori, a culture-bound syndrome or just a different name
More than a couple of years ago, I watched a documentary about Hikikomori. (For those of you who have never heard of this, please read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori. Further, if you can, please donate to Wikipedia for providing such a wealth of information.) I note that, towards the end of the documentary, it was said that Hikikomori only occurred in Japan. I recalled discussing this with my Japanese colleague. Being mental health workers, we did have a healthy discussion about this supposed culture-bound syndrome.
Years on with a few more years of experience under my belt working with young people... I am of the opinion that hikikomori is not a culture-bound syndrome BUT RATHER a worldwide issue which comes under various different psychological conceptualisations.
You may also want to read:
I find that I prefer blogging to my regular job at the clinic... Blogging is less stressful compared to having to meet timelines, worrying about having to re-apply for my own supposedly permanent job (yes, whoever came up with the idea of having to apply for your own job), possibly getting complaints for speaking out of line, peak hour traffic to and fro etc... Maybe I should just stay in my room... But wait, my parents are in a different country. Maybe I should just resign, move back to where my parents are... then stay there and blog all day. BTW, I read sometime back that there was a hikikomori who actually traded stocks and shares and became a millionaire. =}
Years on with a few more years of experience under my belt working with young people... I am of the opinion that hikikomori is not a culture-bound syndrome BUT RATHER a worldwide issue which comes under various different psychological conceptualisations.
You may also want to read:
- http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-23182523. FYI, I think that the picture of the bedroom on this website is more realistic.
- http://towakudai.blogs.com/my_weblog/hikikomori/page/2/. Regarding, the opinion that "hikikomori are mentally healthy people who feel so pressured by society that they socially withdraw". I disagree with this. The follow-up comment of "‘Socially’ is the key concept here: they are in duress and so they seek to remove themselves from the source of the pain". I disagree again. Of note, two criteria MUST be met for a "disorder" -- firstly, the presentation is not culturally normative; and secondly, the person with the presentation is debilitated. I do not think that hikikomori is culturally normative because not 70-80% (arbitrary figures that I pull out of my head) of Japanese people respond to such stress by socially withdrawing. I mean if people are that stressed, they can choose a different job or relocate. Many people do that regularly -- move from city to country; take a career break et cetera. I think that the extreme social withdrawal as a means to managing the "source of pain" suggests poor coping to the point of being debilitating. One cannot function as a student, a worker, a salaryman etc. One has to depend on parents to cook, to put food on the table et cetera.
I find that I prefer blogging to my regular job at the clinic... Blogging is less stressful compared to having to meet timelines, worrying about having to re-apply for my own supposedly permanent job (yes, whoever came up with the idea of having to apply for your own job), possibly getting complaints for speaking out of line, peak hour traffic to and fro etc... Maybe I should just stay in my room... But wait, my parents are in a different country. Maybe I should just resign, move back to where my parents are... then stay there and blog all day. BTW, I read sometime back that there was a hikikomori who actually traded stocks and shares and became a millionaire. =}
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Can the latest "Captain America" movie teach us something?
You may have figured that I love Marvel's Captain America. Of note, I recently watched the latest Captain America movie. Hence, the inspiration for this post.
What can I say? This movie made me think about a few things... of note, this movie showed the Captain American character before and after the radical change. The before version of Captain America was short and scrawny; never made it in life; would not even be selected for normal duties even though he offered himself for service... This before version of Captain America made me think about how there were times when my self-esteem was lower during which I felt out-of-depth, uncool, silly et cetera. On the other hand, the after version of Captain America was taller, better looking, successful (in getting his girl), slightly happier and certainly more confident. This after version of Captain America made me think of the times when my self-esteem was more robust during which I felt like nothing could get me down.
There was another part of the movie when Captain America's new sidekick said something along the lines of "Don't look at me. I just do what he does, just slower". It made me think about the times when the spotlight reluctantly fell on me not because I was good but I was needed then. At that moment, I felt like I was playing second fiddle and I was there just to make up the numbers. And, perhaps, uncomfortable about playing second fiddle.
I like the aging process more for the mature perspective that age brings. I currently feel more comfortable in my own skin. In our own lives, we always play the lead character to our immediate families, our friends and others. In some other people's lives, we may just play second fiddle -- or a less important role -- but that's okay because I do not feel that we need to be everyone to everybody. There is no need to feel that you are born to meet everybody's needs and, importantly, you are not 100% responsible for picking up the pieces because someone else had made a poor decision. I constantly need to remind myself that we cannot keep playing the lead roles because it will simply exhaust us. We cannot give more of ourselves when we are simply exhausted. We should just be happy about all the roles we play because it may seem insignificant but it is not non-significant. (The words may seem identical but the meanings cannot be more different.)
There is a saying, "Not enough when compared with others who are better than yourself but more than enough when compared with others who are worse off than yourself." It is merely a matter of perspective. But is that self-comfort? I don't know. Regardless, I know that it is a fact. Nevertheless, will such a saying foster a sense of complacency? I don't know. All I know is that we should learn to give ourselves a break. If we can be kind to ourselves, life can be less stressful and we can all be happier.
What can I say? This movie made me think about a few things... of note, this movie showed the Captain American character before and after the radical change. The before version of Captain America was short and scrawny; never made it in life; would not even be selected for normal duties even though he offered himself for service... This before version of Captain America made me think about how there were times when my self-esteem was lower during which I felt out-of-depth, uncool, silly et cetera. On the other hand, the after version of Captain America was taller, better looking, successful (in getting his girl), slightly happier and certainly more confident. This after version of Captain America made me think of the times when my self-esteem was more robust during which I felt like nothing could get me down.
There was another part of the movie when Captain America's new sidekick said something along the lines of "Don't look at me. I just do what he does, just slower". It made me think about the times when the spotlight reluctantly fell on me not because I was good but I was needed then. At that moment, I felt like I was playing second fiddle and I was there just to make up the numbers. And, perhaps, uncomfortable about playing second fiddle.
I like the aging process more for the mature perspective that age brings. I currently feel more comfortable in my own skin. In our own lives, we always play the lead character to our immediate families, our friends and others. In some other people's lives, we may just play second fiddle -- or a less important role -- but that's okay because I do not feel that we need to be everyone to everybody. There is no need to feel that you are born to meet everybody's needs and, importantly, you are not 100% responsible for picking up the pieces because someone else had made a poor decision. I constantly need to remind myself that we cannot keep playing the lead roles because it will simply exhaust us. We cannot give more of ourselves when we are simply exhausted. We should just be happy about all the roles we play because it may seem insignificant but it is not non-significant. (The words may seem identical but the meanings cannot be more different.)
There is a saying, "Not enough when compared with others who are better than yourself but more than enough when compared with others who are worse off than yourself." It is merely a matter of perspective. But is that self-comfort? I don't know. Regardless, I know that it is a fact. Nevertheless, will such a saying foster a sense of complacency? I don't know. All I know is that we should learn to give ourselves a break. If we can be kind to ourselves, life can be less stressful and we can all be happier.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Parapsychology
I would have been a parapsychologist if I was less practical about how I could put food on the table. Who would pay for my services? Many years ago when I was at the crossroads working out how to live out the rest of life, I found psychology -- in particular parapsychology -- and law to be my top two interests. I did not make it in law... I also did not make it to become a parapsychologist... I am definitely not qualified to tell you about what it is... However, I am qualified to say that even if I passed the hurdle of "food on the table", I would probably die of a heart attack while on the job. My heart is too weak for parapsychology work.
Let's see what Wikipedia has to say...
So, readers, what is your religion? What is your cultural background? Do you believe in afterlife? Do you believe that there are ghosts? If you do not believe in ghosts, what do you do if you meet one? Do NOT, for a second, equate absence of evidence with evidence of absence.
Years ago, when I did my research about parapsychology as a possible career choice, I did think really hard about the questions I had just asked you. Of course, I asked more questions (like "who pays a parapsychologist?"). As much as the questions turned me away from the such a career path, it helped pushed me towards safe choices. I guess I am forever playing the "safe choices" (we'll talk about that later).
For me, I believe that there is a god or maybe a higher power... One who yields greater power than I do... And I also believe that, for every positive power, there has to be a negative power -- this way, our world/universe is close to neutral with slight inclination to the positive side. Back to childhood talk about good vs bad... a little in line with the Marvel comics which are starting to gain some interest.
In my culture, we believe in reincarnation, we believe in afterlife... How do we commit to these beliefs? I have heard stories about it... Such beliefs are passed on from generation to generation. Do I believe these absurd stuff (being a modern individual). I DO even though I had never seen any evidence (i.e., absence of evidence) of the same. Maybe you think that I am just easily suggestible, easily swayed/hoodwinked, etc...
Why am I so committed to these beliefs? Going along the lines of forensic psychology, maybe I will be less committed to these beliefs if there is evidence of absence. I shall give you another reason but this is a longwinded explanation... I remember a psychiatrist talking about how he had attended a workshop about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Now, most people agree about how irrational some of these OCD anxieties can be. In order to illustrate the "irrational" point, the workshop presenter challenged all workshop attendees to write on a piece of paper something ridiculous like "everyone in my family will die". Even though attendees understand that just by writing down does not mean that things will happen that way (much like I had written down "I want to be a millionaire" -- don't bother, doesn't work), most (if not all) attendees did not write it down. Does this mean that the attendees are superstitious? Silly? Ridiculous? Irrational? No. I think that it is only human to try to avoid these negative things whether or not believe they are there. I mean how many people would have the guts to buy a home near a cemetery (BTW, there is actually a new housing development in Nudgee QLD near the cemetery. Went to see it. Nope, did not place a deposit -- psychological barrier.)
I am only human to avoid parapsychology as a field of study and a career path because I know that I will have a heart attack whether or not I see a ghost. I am only human. I am not god. I fear the unknown. I get stressed by the unknown. Maybe that is why life is grinding to a halt because I opened the door that leads to "security" (and maybe also invited mediocrity into my life as well) which inadvertently closed the door to opportunities and excitement. Maybe when I am more comfortable in my own skin, I can venture into less safe options. My dear readers, sorry, I strayed from parapsychology (which is an ultra interesting field of study) in my bid to motivate you (definitely less interesting if you have a tendency to procrastinate or choose safe options).
Let's see what Wikipedia has to say...
Parapsychology is a field of study concerned with the investigation of paranormal and psychic phenomena. Parapsychologists study telepathy, precognition, clairvoyance, psychokinesis, near-death experiences, reincarnation, apparitional experiences, and other supernatural and paranormal claims.
(For the full article, read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parapsychology.)
So, readers, what is your religion? What is your cultural background? Do you believe in afterlife? Do you believe that there are ghosts? If you do not believe in ghosts, what do you do if you meet one? Do NOT, for a second, equate absence of evidence with evidence of absence.
Years ago, when I did my research about parapsychology as a possible career choice, I did think really hard about the questions I had just asked you. Of course, I asked more questions (like "who pays a parapsychologist?"). As much as the questions turned me away from the such a career path, it helped pushed me towards safe choices. I guess I am forever playing the "safe choices" (we'll talk about that later).
For me, I believe that there is a god or maybe a higher power... One who yields greater power than I do... And I also believe that, for every positive power, there has to be a negative power -- this way, our world/universe is close to neutral with slight inclination to the positive side. Back to childhood talk about good vs bad... a little in line with the Marvel comics which are starting to gain some interest.
In my culture, we believe in reincarnation, we believe in afterlife... How do we commit to these beliefs? I have heard stories about it... Such beliefs are passed on from generation to generation. Do I believe these absurd stuff (being a modern individual). I DO even though I had never seen any evidence (i.e., absence of evidence) of the same. Maybe you think that I am just easily suggestible, easily swayed/hoodwinked, etc...
Why am I so committed to these beliefs? Going along the lines of forensic psychology, maybe I will be less committed to these beliefs if there is evidence of absence. I shall give you another reason but this is a longwinded explanation... I remember a psychiatrist talking about how he had attended a workshop about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Now, most people agree about how irrational some of these OCD anxieties can be. In order to illustrate the "irrational" point, the workshop presenter challenged all workshop attendees to write on a piece of paper something ridiculous like "everyone in my family will die". Even though attendees understand that just by writing down does not mean that things will happen that way (much like I had written down "I want to be a millionaire" -- don't bother, doesn't work), most (if not all) attendees did not write it down. Does this mean that the attendees are superstitious? Silly? Ridiculous? Irrational? No. I think that it is only human to try to avoid these negative things whether or not believe they are there. I mean how many people would have the guts to buy a home near a cemetery (BTW, there is actually a new housing development in Nudgee QLD near the cemetery. Went to see it. Nope, did not place a deposit -- psychological barrier.)
I am only human to avoid parapsychology as a field of study and a career path because I know that I will have a heart attack whether or not I see a ghost. I am only human. I am not god. I fear the unknown. I get stressed by the unknown. Maybe that is why life is grinding to a halt because I opened the door that leads to "security" (and maybe also invited mediocrity into my life as well) which inadvertently closed the door to opportunities and excitement. Maybe when I am more comfortable in my own skin, I can venture into less safe options. My dear readers, sorry, I strayed from parapsychology (which is an ultra interesting field of study) in my bid to motivate you (definitely less interesting if you have a tendency to procrastinate or choose safe options).
Monday, April 14, 2014
The irony of behaviour management...
I am a victim of my circumstance...
A few months ago, I tried to train my guinea pigs. I wanted to get down to basics. So, I did some Pavlovian conditioning. I would ring the bell, then leave some nice fresh food for my pigs. But, I am obviously not doing any psychology experiments. Thus, the lazy me left the bell in their apartment (read cage). So, what is happening now?
They are taking turns to ring the bell whenever I am home to communicate to me that I need to get them some fresh food.
The irony of the behaviour management is this... in order to control effectively, both parties must be controlled. Why? Think about the scenario of a dog trainer teaching a dog a new trick. Dog does the trick, dog trainer will give the treat. Thus, over time, the dog will continue to do the trick contingent upon being given the treat (by the trainer). Of course, the dog trainer does not have to do this for 10 years. The dog trainer merely needs to do it till the behaviour has been learned.
**Note: This post does not go into the complexities of conditioning. Maybe next time...
A few months ago, I tried to train my guinea pigs. I wanted to get down to basics. So, I did some Pavlovian conditioning. I would ring the bell, then leave some nice fresh food for my pigs. But, I am obviously not doing any psychology experiments. Thus, the lazy me left the bell in their apartment (read cage). So, what is happening now?
They are taking turns to ring the bell whenever I am home to communicate to me that I need to get them some fresh food.
The irony of the behaviour management is this... in order to control effectively, both parties must be controlled. Why? Think about the scenario of a dog trainer teaching a dog a new trick. Dog does the trick, dog trainer will give the treat. Thus, over time, the dog will continue to do the trick contingent upon being given the treat (by the trainer). Of course, the dog trainer does not have to do this for 10 years. The dog trainer merely needs to do it till the behaviour has been learned.
**Note: This post does not go into the complexities of conditioning. Maybe next time...
Affluenza - Has it struck you (yet)?
I have been having a problem -- a case of mild affluenza. Interestingly, I do not think that one needs to be affluent to suffer from affluenza because I am not affluent by a long shot. My definition of measure of affluence is, as dictionary.com has it, "having an an abundance of wealth, property, or other material goods; prosperous; rich". I have debts -- not mounting but enough to suffocate me at times.
According to Wikipedia, the book Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic defines affluenza as "a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more."[1]
So, is it painful? Yes and No. There is something nice about it depending on what you buy.
Is it contagious? Can be. Have you ever bought something so good that you wax lyrically about it to someone else? What happens the next minute? That person buys it. The thing is that, by talking about it, it creates a desire for someone to own it or maybe even own something similar (better or worse is irrelevant). This is the power of advertising -- word-of-mouth or whatever is also irrelevant. I am thinking about how many people around had bought a Kambrook BlitzToGo or similar. Thus, this condition of affluenza is definitely a socially transmitted condition.
Overload? Of course.
Debt? Not always. There are always people who choose to buy not on credit card. But having said that, surely the purchase price can go into the home loan or a donation.
Anxiety? No. My purchases only bring me joy. At times, it also makes life easier for me (think smartphones, think phablets). I never get anxious about how to use something. I was born with a microchip in my brain to use these gadgets -- no anxiety there...
Waste. Oh yes, definitely. Bought a phablet when my smartphone was working. Bought a tablet when my laptop was working. Oops! Duplication in my life, no wonder my wireless modem network router is not working properly -- it is overloaded. So, because I go out and buy so many doodads, I need to now buy a new wireless modem network router. BTW, you need to know that affluenza is not only financially draining, it can also wear you down emotionally (think the agonising over which specific model of doodad), intellectually (think about the analytical research about what will best meet your needs) and physically (notice the bag is heavier and, maybe, it's time to entertain the idea of a new bag).
Arrrgghhhhh.... Worse of all, I do not want to waste the working devices by throwing them away... so I keep them.... Now, what does this make me? Think what can possibly be worse than someone who has affluenza? An affluenza sufferer who HOARDS.
Okay, I need to change for the better... Decrease my hoarding... then attempt to sneeze hard at all the new gadgets that I want BUT DO NOT NEED. I am struggling with the concept of want because it can easily be changed to a need. BTW, I can always convince myself that I need a thermomix to be healthy. If I do not use it, I am sure that the pressure cooker in the garage (which I had only bought two months ago) can use the company. See, no waste!?
According to Wikipedia, the book Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic defines affluenza as "a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more."[1]
So, is it painful? Yes and No. There is something nice about it depending on what you buy.
Is it contagious? Can be. Have you ever bought something so good that you wax lyrically about it to someone else? What happens the next minute? That person buys it. The thing is that, by talking about it, it creates a desire for someone to own it or maybe even own something similar (better or worse is irrelevant). This is the power of advertising -- word-of-mouth or whatever is also irrelevant. I am thinking about how many people around had bought a Kambrook BlitzToGo or similar. Thus, this condition of affluenza is definitely a socially transmitted condition.
Overload? Of course.
Debt? Not always. There are always people who choose to buy not on credit card. But having said that, surely the purchase price can go into the home loan or a donation.
Anxiety? No. My purchases only bring me joy. At times, it also makes life easier for me (think smartphones, think phablets). I never get anxious about how to use something. I was born with a microchip in my brain to use these gadgets -- no anxiety there...
Waste. Oh yes, definitely. Bought a phablet when my smartphone was working. Bought a tablet when my laptop was working. Oops! Duplication in my life, no wonder my wireless modem network router is not working properly -- it is overloaded. So, because I go out and buy so many doodads, I need to now buy a new wireless modem network router. BTW, you need to know that affluenza is not only financially draining, it can also wear you down emotionally (think the agonising over which specific model of doodad), intellectually (think about the analytical research about what will best meet your needs) and physically (notice the bag is heavier and, maybe, it's time to entertain the idea of a new bag).
Arrrgghhhhh.... Worse of all, I do not want to waste the working devices by throwing them away... so I keep them.... Now, what does this make me? Think what can possibly be worse than someone who has affluenza? An affluenza sufferer who HOARDS.
Okay, I need to change for the better... Decrease my hoarding... then attempt to sneeze hard at all the new gadgets that I want BUT DO NOT NEED. I am struggling with the concept of want because it can easily be changed to a need. BTW, I can always convince myself that I need a thermomix to be healthy. If I do not use it, I am sure that the pressure cooker in the garage (which I had only bought two months ago) can use the company. See, no waste!?
Friday, April 11, 2014
Sharks teaching us about "Survival of the Fittest"
There is something about sharks that I dislike. Possibly because I was traumatised by "Jaws" the movie when I was a kid but, watching it as an adult, I don't understand why I was traumatised by it. The plot was believable, the acting was poor and unrealistic... BTW, I did not watch "Sharknado" either because the plot is too unrealistic and, yes, the acting was poor... I would rather watch "Game of Thrones" than "Sharknado" any day.
In this post, I would like to draw your attention to sharks... not because I am trying to conquer my trauma... but rather because I find them fascinating on many levels...
Firstly, in many living species, the female chooses to mate with the best male around. However, the female sharks in the following article (http://phenomena.nationalgeographic.com/2013/04/30/shark-dads-lose-babies-to-unborn-cannibal-siblings/) actually mates with different males; then "chooses" (I don't know how they do it) which sperms will fertilise her eggs. Now, she may well choose the sperm of more than one male. That being the case, the offspring will have to fight for survival or, some may read it, nature makes its selection of the winner. Now, this fight involves cannibalism -- so please move away from "Hunger Games" type storyline because there is only one victor for each womb (there are only two wombs).
It fascinates me that these adult male sharks that mated with the adult female sharks obviously had fought their way from embryo to adulthood. Yet how interesting that some of these males may somehow become excluded from the future gene pool because they are deemed by the female sharks and nature to be less fit (if not unfit).
Next leap of thought: "Does that mean that the gene pool over time will be quite restricted?" If the gene pool is restricted, does that not mean that the specie will really be better or worse?
While scientists are busy with genome and other associated research, the intellectuals are battling out the ethics. In the midst of it all, there has been much talk about creating the perfect human. As humans continue to push the scientific-medical frontier for a chance to play god and away from nature, will we one day have a limited gene pool in which some of us will completely be exterminated while the best of us remains? If this restricted gene pool comes about, does that not also mean that in the event of a flurry of viral or otherwise mutations, the human specie may be wiped out? Maybe I am straying too far from my topic... but no harm thinking... afterall, all my thoughts can co-exist because no one thought can cannibalise my other thoughts... Oops, another thought is whether some mother sharks may suffer from antenatal depression?
You may also like to read:
In this post, I would like to draw your attention to sharks... not because I am trying to conquer my trauma... but rather because I find them fascinating on many levels...
Firstly, in many living species, the female chooses to mate with the best male around. However, the female sharks in the following article (http://phenomena.nationalgeographic.com/2013/04/30/shark-dads-lose-babies-to-unborn-cannibal-siblings/) actually mates with different males; then "chooses" (I don't know how they do it) which sperms will fertilise her eggs. Now, she may well choose the sperm of more than one male. That being the case, the offspring will have to fight for survival or, some may read it, nature makes its selection of the winner. Now, this fight involves cannibalism -- so please move away from "Hunger Games" type storyline because there is only one victor for each womb (there are only two wombs).
It fascinates me that these adult male sharks that mated with the adult female sharks obviously had fought their way from embryo to adulthood. Yet how interesting that some of these males may somehow become excluded from the future gene pool because they are deemed by the female sharks and nature to be less fit (if not unfit).
Next leap of thought: "Does that mean that the gene pool over time will be quite restricted?" If the gene pool is restricted, does that not mean that the specie will really be better or worse?
While scientists are busy with genome and other associated research, the intellectuals are battling out the ethics. In the midst of it all, there has been much talk about creating the perfect human. As humans continue to push the scientific-medical frontier for a chance to play god and away from nature, will we one day have a limited gene pool in which some of us will completely be exterminated while the best of us remains? If this restricted gene pool comes about, does that not also mean that in the event of a flurry of viral or otherwise mutations, the human specie may be wiped out? Maybe I am straying too far from my topic... but no harm thinking... afterall, all my thoughts can co-exist because no one thought can cannibalise my other thoughts... Oops, another thought is whether some mother sharks may suffer from antenatal depression?
You may also like to read:
- http://www.nytimes.com/1982/12/07/science/in-shark-womb-fetus-cannibalizes-rivals.html
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism_(zoology)
Rethink on mental health funding...
Things run in cycles... fashion comes, goes then returns (e.g., think polka dots, bell bottoms)...
The following article about rethinking mental health funding makes me wonder about how a budget issue can be so poorly managed -- http://news.ninemsn.com.au/health/2014/04/10/11/00/small-changes-a-big-help-for-dementia. The answer is obvious -- politicians do not know, they may not care and/or they simply do not understand.
One of the biggest issues I have with modern and civilised world is that a majority of people give away a lot of their rights (including money) so that a minority of people can govern the majority (if not everyone). Governing includes activities such as legislating (hopefully for the benefit of everyone, but possibly only benefits some if not most) then budgeting how to spend the money contributed by the majority.
Politics is really the art of governing... In the modern era and true democracies, if you govern well (according to the perceptions of the majority), you will hopefully get another term in the government.
My biggest problem with politicians is that they are expected to the moderators of everything about their respective countries -- ranging from economy to foreign policies etc. My other problem is that politicians work for their political party. Yet, in psychology, we know that the biggest leaps are almost always made when we COOPERATE rather than COMPETE. When we cooperate, we achieve more. In the animal kingdom, predators hunt in packs while preys stick together. Think Google, how much has Google achieved as a group of tech wizards!
Now, the case in point is that us, as a majority, elected the minority (the government) that will decide on budget of health care and the specifics of what goes where. My problem is that I don't expect politicians to know exactly where the money should go... but I wish they would consult the health practitioners before making such decisions.
Everyone knows that short-term cuts can lead to long-term future debts. Early intervention rarely attracts any money because every government tries to fix the mess left by the previous goverments. However, if ever, there is a progressive society that is willing to fork out more for early interventions plus current treatments, I hypothesise that future debt may well. Having said that, maybe there may be more modern day illness not previously seen.
Other health care issues in political spotlight include:
The following article about rethinking mental health funding makes me wonder about how a budget issue can be so poorly managed -- http://news.ninemsn.com.au/health/2014/04/10/11/00/small-changes-a-big-help-for-dementia. The answer is obvious -- politicians do not know, they may not care and/or they simply do not understand.
One of the biggest issues I have with modern and civilised world is that a majority of people give away a lot of their rights (including money) so that a minority of people can govern the majority (if not everyone). Governing includes activities such as legislating (hopefully for the benefit of everyone, but possibly only benefits some if not most) then budgeting how to spend the money contributed by the majority.
Politics is really the art of governing... In the modern era and true democracies, if you govern well (according to the perceptions of the majority), you will hopefully get another term in the government.
My biggest problem with politicians is that they are expected to the moderators of everything about their respective countries -- ranging from economy to foreign policies etc. My other problem is that politicians work for their political party. Yet, in psychology, we know that the biggest leaps are almost always made when we COOPERATE rather than COMPETE. When we cooperate, we achieve more. In the animal kingdom, predators hunt in packs while preys stick together. Think Google, how much has Google achieved as a group of tech wizards!
Now, the case in point is that us, as a majority, elected the minority (the government) that will decide on budget of health care and the specifics of what goes where. My problem is that I don't expect politicians to know exactly where the money should go... but I wish they would consult the health practitioners before making such decisions.
Everyone knows that short-term cuts can lead to long-term future debts. Early intervention rarely attracts any money because every government tries to fix the mess left by the previous goverments. However, if ever, there is a progressive society that is willing to fork out more for early interventions plus current treatments, I hypothesise that future debt may well. Having said that, maybe there may be more modern day illness not previously seen.
Other health care issues in political spotlight include:
- In America, the emerging issues with the contraversial Obamacare. See http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-24370967.
- In Australia (Queensland), the ongoing issues of state government trying to reign in health budget by cutting jobs. See http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-09-08/loss-of-thousands-of-queensland-health-jobs-condemned/4249934.
- The people who may suffer as a consequence of ill-informed political financial decisions. See http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/cystic-fibrosis-sufferer-paul-mckean-fears-being-caught-in-queensland-doctor-saga-20140405-365f5.html.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Pheromone what? Pheromone Party....
It was interesting this afternoon as I was driving in to work, I was listening in to my favourite radio station 612 ABC. It was a brief segment about Pheromone Party. Studied a little about pheromones while in university... grown up in a culture that believes in arranged marriages... thrown myself into the modern 2014 bombarded with heaps of promises about love via speed dating, and now internet dating... So, what's next? Pheromone party, of course...
So, what is pheromone? No need for me to reinvent the wheel, ps read this Wikipedia article for more information -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pheromone.
Now, more research are being conducted about pheromones. You may wish to read the following for some research in this area -- http://www.naturalattraction.com/research.html.
Research or not aside... I know of people who do talk about how scent can be attractive. This scent is not about the smell of that aftershave, eau de toilette or eau de parfum or whatever... It is that pheromone "scent" if you know what I mean. For some, this "scent" can be attractive or repulsive.
As much as I personally believe that pheromone attraction is natural, I also think that there are other factors at play. Thus, in short, if you are considering buying a pheromone spray (oh yes, they are being made as we speak -- just google it), I would suggest that you do not do so. Because pheromones are not the only consideration when it comes to long term relationships. There has to be more to it than pheromones to keep relationships together and alive.
Nevertheless, for those who are interested to ditch the speed dating or internet dating scenes, you may wants to check this video out -- http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video/pheromone-parties-19928010.
So, what is pheromone? No need for me to reinvent the wheel, ps read this Wikipedia article for more information -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pheromone.
Now, more research are being conducted about pheromones. You may wish to read the following for some research in this area -- http://www.naturalattraction.com/research.html.
Research or not aside... I know of people who do talk about how scent can be attractive. This scent is not about the smell of that aftershave, eau de toilette or eau de parfum or whatever... It is that pheromone "scent" if you know what I mean. For some, this "scent" can be attractive or repulsive.
As much as I personally believe that pheromone attraction is natural, I also think that there are other factors at play. Thus, in short, if you are considering buying a pheromone spray (oh yes, they are being made as we speak -- just google it), I would suggest that you do not do so. Because pheromones are not the only consideration when it comes to long term relationships. There has to be more to it than pheromones to keep relationships together and alive.
Nevertheless, for those who are interested to ditch the speed dating or internet dating scenes, you may wants to check this video out -- http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video/pheromone-parties-19928010.
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