Korean Teacher commits suicide after being rescued from ferry disaster

Hi all, I think you must have read by now the South Korean ferry disaster.  Not sure if you are aware that what followed after was the suicide of the Korean teacher?  Read http://rt.com/news/korea-ship-suicide-dead-388/. 

It is likely that the teacher had committed suicide out of survivor guilt.  So, what is survivor guilt?  As I mentioned earlier, I do not try to paraphrase or rewrite things that are already well explored on the internet (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_guilt,

If you followed the news of the ferry disaster, you will also be aware that the Captain and crew of that ferry actually abandoned the ferry (read http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-04-21/korean-president-says-ferry-captain-actions-like-murder/5401880?section=world).  Now, there is already widespread uproar about this.  My money is on my hypothesis that the Captain and the crew will also experience survivor guilt.  Thus, I urge my readers to not be harsh on these survivors who may have survived the tragedy but may or may not survive this guilt. 

I also note that the Captain and crew left a brave but inexperienced third mate in charge.  It is likely that this third mate may experience some form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (or PTSD).

My heart goes out to all affected -- the people who lost their lives, their parents, the crew etc.  Having said that, I also must say that it is human nature to flee.  I understand that all sea vessel captains and crews would have had extensive training about what to do if something like that happens.  However, not every one of them would have had the experience to manage such chaos in their careers.  It is like your pilots may know how to execute an emergency landing BUT, I assume that, not all pilots had to do that in their careers. 

I hope that my readers can understand that humans err.  Admittedly, the Captain and Crew made a big mistake on this occasion.  However, if you agree with me that all lives are precious, I hope that you will dig deep to understand that accidents happen and this is time to support one another because more suicides may follow if this is not managed properly.  It is human nature to attribute blame somewhere but let's just channel our efforts to support those who need us.  I do hope that media will reduce the reports of this tragedy to give everyone some room to breathe.

Empathy Disturbance/Disorder

I remember asking someone many many years ago the following question... 

 

Is empathy like
(1) an ever flowing fountain OR
(2) a pie that is baked daily?

 

 

In response to a statement that the significant other who works in a caring profession appears to have a lot of empathy at work but none left for him. 

 

In the ever flowing fountain analogy, I can currently think about a colleague whom I had just gone out on a home visit.  I saw sincerity in her eyes, genuine concern for a fellow human and empathy.  My colleague is married and has children.  From my shallow understanding of my colleague, I sense continued care and warmth towards her family.  That, to me, is what I consider an ever flowing fountain. 

 

In the pie that is baked daily analogy, I think of one who struggles with empathy.  At times, there is sufficient for the work day (but maybe insufficient to spill into personal life).  Other times, there is insufficient to last the day.  At times, the empathy is half-baked (in that it is not really useable and may crumble apart at the most untimely of moments or that empathy is compartmentalised for use in different areas and in varying proportions).  Other times, the empathy is un-useable.  At times, the empathy wears that person down. 

 

You will not believe, in the course of researching this post, I found the following relevant information about Empathy Deficit Disorder (EDD) (of course, not a real psychiatric disorder but one coined by a few professionals):

• http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-resilience/201004/are-you-suffering-empathy-deficit-disorder,  Personally, I disagree that "EDD grows when people focus too much on acquiring power, status, and money for themselves".  My thoughts are that many significant life events (e.g., suicide, death, significant loss, trauma) or neurodevelopmental issues (e.g., ASD, ADHD) can lead to EDD.
• http://edition.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/06/18/o.empathy/index.html

My personal thoughts on this matter, being one with baked empathy, is that I believe that humans have evolved over time to not be a "one size fits all" model.  I hypothesise that some of us (human race) are empathy fountains while others are empathy pies.  When we look at evolution, we clearly see how the fountains among us are the nurturers (as my colleague clearly is) while the pies among us are more geared towards less emotion-intensive and more solution-focussed modes.  Don't get me wrong.  My colleague is very good at coming up with solutions.  (In fact, she takes so many facets into account that I wonder how she does it!)  However, if we draw inspiration from a factory production line, what we see is that productivity may well improve when we start specialising.  From the evolution perspective, we also see that pies among us usually have to take the tough decisions without bringing emotion into it. 

If we follow the life of the production line, we can see that specialisation brings along issues too.  It is difficult to replace a sick production line worker due to the degree of specialisation.  In addition, specialisation leads to boredom which can, over time, decrease productivity (read this as hamper evolution).  Thus, in order to the combat the abovementioned flaws, workers are made to learn a different job; then they swap jobs when things become too monotonous and predictable.  Hence, back to my hypothesis, there may be some of us who are not pure fountains or pies -- but rather a combination of both. 

 

Of course, there is also another aspect to the empathy pie analogy -- that is, there are some of empathy pies that do not fit in to the evolutionary picture.  By this, I refer to people with certain personality disorders (see http://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/empathy-and-personality-disorders/).  Alternatively, I could be wrong because it can also be argued that people with certain personality disorders do fit into the evolutionary picture in that they have lost the ability to bake empathy in order to survive this world which may be perceived as cruel, dangerous and unpredictable.  Afterall, some narcissists and psychopaths do end up being parents. 

Something else for you to read:

• http://healthland.time.com/2011/05/30/mind-reading-psychologist-simon-baron-cohen-on-empathy-and-the-science-of-evil/
• http://bradhicks.livejournal.com/454817.html.

So, there you go...  My dear colleague, if you are reading this, you know I am writing about you. 

"Unwell" by Matchbox 20

Quite a few years back, I heard this song on radio...  I took to this song rather quickly because of the melody and lyrics.  (Now, I can appreciate songs with bland tunes but meaningful lyrics -- think "Somebody" by Depeche Mode.)  Meaningful for me because the lyrics are specific and to the point.  The lyrics give you something to ponder, to hypothesise scenarios, to think further et cetera.

 

This song is supposedly about experiences of an acid trip (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unwell).  Watch the video clip (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WziA88-n02k).  However, to me, this song reminds me of people experiencing psychosis -- some auditory and visual hallucinations, paranoia, lack of insight, precontemplative, poor judgement, delusions...  maybe also some sense of hopelessness, denial...  I hope that this song helps people to at least understand a little about what is going on for people who are mentally unwell and to be supportive rather than judging. 

 

-----------------------  Kudos to Robert Kelly Thomas for writing the song -------------------

~ Lyrics copied from http://www.metrolyrics.com/unwell-lyrics-matchbox-20.html  ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

All day starin' at the ceilin' makin' friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices tellin' me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for somethin'
Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me

I'm talkin' to myself in public, dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talkin' about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think
There must be somethin' wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin', somehow I've lost my mind

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talkin' in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're takin' me away

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be, how I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

Read more: Matchbox 20 - Unwell Lyrics | MetroLyrics

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Hikikomori, a culture-bound syndrome or just a different name

More than a couple of years ago, I watched a documentary about Hikikomori.  (For those of you who have never heard of this, please read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori.  Further, if you can, please donate to Wikipedia for providing such a wealth of information.)  I note that, towards the end of the documentary, it was said that Hikikomori only occurred in Japan.  I recalled discussing this with my Japanese colleague.  Being mental health workers, we did have a healthy discussion about this supposed culture-bound syndrome. 

Years on with a few more years of experience under my belt working with young people...  I am of the opinion that hikikomori is not a culture-bound syndrome BUT RATHER a worldwide issue which comes under various different psychological conceptualisations. 

You may also want to read:

• http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-23182523.  FYI, I think that the picture of the bedroom on this website is more realistic.
• http://towakudai.blogs.com/my_weblog/hikikomori/page/2/.  Regarding, the opinion that "hikikomori are mentally healthy people who feel so pressured by society that they socially withdraw".  I disagree with this.  The follow-up comment of "‘Socially’ is the key concept here: they are in duress and so they seek to remove themselves from the source of the pain".  I disagree again.  Of note, two criteria MUST be met for a "disorder" -- firstly, the presentation is not culturally normative; and secondly, the person with the presentation is debilitated.  I do not think that hikikomori is culturally normative because not 70-80% (arbitrary figures that I pull out of my head) of Japanese people respond to such stress by socially withdrawing.  I mean if people are that stressed, they can choose a different job or relocate.  Many people do that regularly -- move from city to country; take a career break et cetera.  I think that the extreme social withdrawal as a means to managing the "source of pain" suggests poor coping to the point of being debilitating.  One cannot function as a student, a worker, a salaryman etc.  One has to depend on parents to cook, to put food on the table et cetera.

I find that I prefer blogging to my regular job at the clinic...  Blogging is less stressful compared to having to meet timelines, worrying about having to re-apply for my own supposedly permanent job (yes, whoever came up with the idea of having to apply for your own job), possibly getting complaints for speaking out of line, peak hour traffic to and fro etc...  Maybe I should just stay in my room...  But wait, my parents are in a different country.  Maybe I should just resign, move back to where my parents are...  then stay there and blog all day.  BTW, I read sometime back that there was a hikikomori who actually traded stocks and shares and became a millionaire.   =}

Can the latest "Captain America" movie teach us something?

You may have figured that I love Marvel's Captain America.  Of note, I recently watched the latest Captain America movie.  Hence, the inspiration for this post. 

What can I say?  This movie made me think about a few things...  of note, this movie showed the Captain American character before and after the radical change.  The before version of Captain America was short and scrawny; never made it in life; would not even be selected for normal duties even though he offered himself for service...  This before version of Captain America made me think about how there were times when my self-esteem was lower during which I felt out-of-depth, uncool, silly et cetera.  On the other hand, the after version of Captain America was taller, better looking, successful (in getting his girl), slightly happier and certainly more confident.  This after version of Captain America made me think of the times when my self-esteem was more robust during which I felt like nothing could get me down. 

There was another part of the movie when Captain America's new sidekick said something along the lines of "Don't look at me. I just do what he does, just slower".  It made me think about the times when the spotlight reluctantly fell on me not because I was good but I was needed then.  At that moment, I felt like I was playing second fiddle and I was there just to make up the numbers.  And, perhaps, uncomfortable about playing second fiddle. 

I like the aging process more for the mature perspective that age brings.  I currently feel more comfortable in my own skin.  In our own lives, we always play the lead character to our immediate families, our friends and others.  In some other people's lives, we may just play second fiddle -- or a less important role -- but that's okay because I do not feel that we need to be everyone to everybody.  There is no need to feel that you are born to meet everybody's needs and, importantly, you are not 100% responsible for picking up the pieces because someone else had made a poor decision.  I constantly need to remind myself that we cannot keep playing the lead roles because it will simply exhaust us.  We cannot give more of ourselves when we are simply exhausted.  We should just be happy about all the roles we play because it may seem insignificant but it is not non-significant.  (The words may seem identical but the meanings cannot be more different.)

There is a saying, "Not enough when compared with others who are better than yourself but more than enough when compared with others who are worse off than yourself."  It is merely a matter of perspective.  But is that self-comfort?  I don't know.  Regardless, I know that it is a fact.  Nevertheless, will such a saying foster a sense of complacency?  I don't know.  All I know is that we should learn to give ourselves a break.  If we can be kind to ourselves, life can be less stressful and we can all be happier. 

Parapsychology

I would have been a parapsychologist if I was less practical about how I could put food on the table.  Who would pay for my services?  Many years ago when I was at the crossroads working out how to live out the rest of life, I found psychology -- in particular parapsychology -- and law to be my top two interests.  I did not make it in law...  I also did not make it to become a parapsychologist...  I am definitely not qualified to tell you about what it is...  However, I am qualified to say that even if I passed the hurdle of "food on the table", I would probably die of a heart attack while on the job.  My heart is too weak for parapsychology work. 

Let's see what Wikipedia has to say... 

Parapsychology is a field of study concerned with the investigation of paranormal and psychic phenomena. Parapsychologists study telepathy, precognition, clairvoyance, psychokinesis, near-death experiences, reincarnation, apparitional experiences, and other supernatural and paranormal claims.

(For the full article, read  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parapsychology.)

So, readers, what is your religion?  What is your cultural background?  Do you believe in afterlife?  Do you believe that there are ghosts?  If you do not believe in ghosts, what do you do if you meet one?  Do NOT, for a second, equate absence of evidence with evidence of absence.

Years ago, when I did my research about parapsychology as a possible career choice, I did think really hard about the questions I had just asked you.  Of course, I asked more questions (like "who pays a parapsychologist?").  As much as the questions turned me away from the such a career path, it helped pushed me towards safe choices.  I guess I am forever playing the "safe choices" (we'll talk about that later).

For me, I believe that there is a god or maybe a higher power...  One who yields greater power than I do...  And I also believe that, for every positive power, there has to be a negative power -- this way, our world/universe is close to neutral with slight inclination to the positive side.  Back to childhood talk about good vs bad...  a little in line with the Marvel comics which are starting to gain some interest. 

In my culture, we believe in reincarnation, we believe in afterlife...  How do we commit to these beliefs?  I have heard stories about it...  Such beliefs are passed on from generation to generation.  Do I believe these absurd stuff (being a modern individual).  I DO even though I had never seen any evidence (i.e., absence of evidence) of the same.  Maybe you think that I am just easily suggestible, easily swayed/hoodwinked, etc... 

Why am I so committed to these beliefs?  Going along the lines of forensic psychology, maybe I will be less committed to these beliefs if there is evidence of absence.  I shall give you another reason but this is a longwinded explanation...  I remember a psychiatrist talking about how he had attended a workshop about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).  Now, most people agree about how irrational some of these OCD anxieties can be.  In order to illustrate the "irrational" point, the workshop presenter challenged all workshop attendees to write on a piece of paper something ridiculous like "everyone in my family will die".  Even though attendees understand that just by writing down does not mean that things will happen that way (much like I had written down "I want to be a millionaire" -- don't bother, doesn't work), most (if not all) attendees did not write it down.  Does this mean that the attendees are superstitious?  Silly?  Ridiculous?  Irrational?  No.  I think that it is only human to try to avoid these negative things whether or not believe they are there.  I mean how many people would have the guts to buy a home near a cemetery (BTW, there is actually a new housing development in Nudgee QLD near the cemetery.  Went to see it.  Nope, did not place a deposit -- psychological barrier.)

I am only human to avoid parapsychology as a field of study and a career path because I know that I will have a heart attack whether or not I see a ghost.  I am only human.  I am not god.  I fear the unknown.  I get stressed by the unknown.  Maybe that is why life is grinding to a halt because I opened the door that leads to "security" (and maybe also invited mediocrity into my life as well) which inadvertently closed the door to opportunities and excitement.  Maybe when I am more comfortable in my own skin, I can venture into less safe options.  My dear readers, sorry, I strayed from parapsychology (which is an ultra interesting field of study) in my bid to motivate you (definitely less interesting if you have a tendency to procrastinate or choose safe options).   

The irony of behaviour management...

I am a victim of my circumstance... 

A few months ago, I tried to train my guinea pigs.  I wanted to get down to basics.  So, I did some Pavlovian conditioning.  I would ring the bell, then leave some nice fresh food for my pigs.  But, I am obviously not doing any psychology experiments.  Thus, the lazy me left the bell in their apartment (read cage).  So, what is happening now?

They are taking turns to ring the bell whenever I am home to communicate to me that I need to get them some fresh food. 

The irony of the behaviour management is this...  in order to control effectively, both parties must be controlled.  Why?  Think about the scenario of a dog trainer teaching a dog a new trick.  Dog does the trick, dog trainer will give the treat.  Thus, over time, the dog will continue to do the trick contingent upon being given the treat (by the trainer).  Of course, the dog trainer does not have to do this for 10 years.  The dog trainer merely needs to do it till the behaviour has been learned. 

**Note:  This post does not go into the complexities of conditioning.  Maybe next time...